Date Night

Jenny and I had an interesting date tonight, the likes of which we won't have again. I was invited to attend a reception being held for the Chinese Ambassador to the US (or as Jenny kept referring to him, "The Chairman". I thought Mao was dead), so I took Jenny with me. He was in town as part of a US tour. The reception was ... boring ... to say the least, but it put us in the mood for Chinese food, so we went to P.F. Chang's for dinner afterward. Jenny asked what I would say to the Ambassador if we went up to talk to him. My answer, without hesitation, was "We think ya'lls food is real good."

We didn't go up to talk to him.

If a tree falls in the forest, does anyone hear it?

I don't know about trees in the forest, but I can tell you people hear metal chairs crashing to the floor in an elementary school gymnasium! Yesterday was Eli's Kindergarten graduation, and Liam was in primo onery mode. Jenny and I had to take turns taking him out for being so squirmy and loud during the program. Eli was in the last group to walk across the stage, so just before they called his name, Liam and I took our seats again in the second row, right in the center. Jenny had the camcorder and I the camera. As they called Eli's name, we stood so we could get a clear picture. Just then, Liam started yelling and kicking his legs. Somehow he kicked between my legs and caught the bottom lip of the chair seat so that the chair folded and crashed to the floor.

As soon as graduation was over, his mood had changed and was an angel. Who'd have guessed?

Flippin' sweet

I went to a youth fireside tonight where Jared and Jerusha Hess spoke. They wrote the movie Napoleon Dynamite, and Jerusha's parents are in our ward. The first time Jenny and I watched the movie, we thought it was the biggest waste of time and the stupidest thing we'd ever seen. Something told us, however, to give it another try. We're glad we did, because it really is hilarious and now one of our favorite movies. The boys even like it.

The Hess' spoke mostly about how they've been blessed, especially in their careers in the entertainment industry, by keeping the standards of the Church. They talked some about how they've been able to share the gospel with people with whom they've worked and how cool the opportunities have been.

If you haven't seen the movie, watch it, but be sure to give it a second chance if you don't like it the first time. And, by the way, they also wrote and Jared directed Nacho Libre, the movie with Jack Black that opens on June 16th. It's about a Mexican priest who moonlights as a professional wrestler to raise money for the orphanage he runs. They said tonight it's been rated as PG, so should be good.

English is dumb (with a b)

Eli, who is quickly becoming a very good reader, was reading bedtime stories to Nathan and me tonight. It was nice to sit with them and listen instead of having to read. Eli came to the word "climb" and struggled momentarily to pronounce the word. I hinted at what the word was and he guessed it. However, before reading on, we talked for a minute about how sometimes there are shy letters like "b" who want to be a part of the action, but don't say anything. They're happy just being part of the group. Eli then said, "Yea, I remember hearing about them. But you know, that just doesn't make any sense. If they're going to be there, they might as well speak up."

Whew

Finally, the tile's in. Thankfully, laying the tile was the easiest part of the task. Last night, as I wrote, Jenny and I were up until 4:15 am scraping the adhesive from the linoleum. We (and by we, I mean my friend Darin) had to replace about 1/4 of the flooring because it was water damaged, mostly around the toilet base and along the tub. We had to go to Eli's kindergarten play (the best rendition of The Three Little Pigs I've ever seen), and left Darin to put down the backing. Once that was down, I took over and laid the tile. We'll let that sit for a day or two, then grout and install the new toilet.

For those who hoped we'd opt for the elongated bowl, sorry to disappoint but we went with the $80 cheaper round bowl. Our rears are already used to the round kind, but we hope you'll still visit. You may be excited to hear, though, that the one we picked out promises to flush TWO DOZEN GOLF BALLS. Did they really test that claim? I'm sure with three boys who find great pleasure in doing all the things we wished they wouldn't, we'll be able to come up with our own claim. Perhaps "will flush all three Lord of the Rings DVDs," "will flush a full roll to toilet paper - still on the roll," or "will flush an entire fleet of Hotwheels." Stay tuned.

I hate linoleum

If you've read Jenny's blog, you know that she has me busy giving our bathroom a makeover. I got painting done last night (however, this morning while brushing my teeth I thought to myself "why did we pick Brown? It's bad enough I have to "bleed Brown" at work five days a week, but now I have to wake up and go to bed to brown, too?"). Tonight, we're working on taking up the old flooring which consisted of pergo wood flooring (very simple to take out) and the 40-year old linoleum. What a pain! Tomorrow the tile goes in; that part, anyway, should be fun.

The Worst Consequence Ever

I don't know how it started, but the new standard consequence for anything one of the boys does to upset the other is being un-invited from their birthday party. Heavens to Betsy! If one of them gets upset with the other or with us when we ask them to do someting, for very valid reasons I'm certain, it is met with "You can't come to my birthday party!" The funniest part is that they are referring to a party that is months away.

Where do they come up with these things? However, being the creative geniuses that we are, Jenny and I have found it works to our favor, as well. When they would uninvite one of us, we tried telling them "that's fine, you just won't get a birthday party because we're not going to pay for one." That didn't seem to do much. Now, when they don't do something we ask them to do, their objections are met with "That's fine. You just can't come to my birthday party." It works for now; wonder how long it will last.

PS - all those who read my blog but don't comment ... you're not invited to my birthday party!

Mohammed Eli vs the Nate-anator

So after church, the boys were all tired, and the fact that it was about 172 degrees in the car on the way home didn't help. Eli and Nate wanted to play Sorry when we got home, so I got the board down for them. Something didn't go the way one of them wanted it to, so of course they decided that was good enough reason to get mad at each other and come tell Jenny and me. Not feeling like taking the opportunity to lecture them on brotherly love or being nice, I just said "Why don't you two just wrestle to settle it?" Well, that was a dandy idea, readily accepted by both corners and the two of them succeeded to engage in a boxing match.

I guess I need to better educate them on the finer points of the two sports: wrestling vs. boxing (yea, like I know what I'm talking about). It was hilarious to see them dance around the room pretending to throw punches and fall on the floor after being KO'd.

Ten minutes later, it was on to another argument, but I opted to pretend I was hard of hearing and ignore them. Vicious foes one minute, best friends the next. I guess the good thing is that boys can forget and move past it; I hear that doesn't hold true for girls.

Immigration

It's been interesting the past several months to keep up with the immigration issues that have come to the forefront and the related pending legislation. Since our ward has a large hispanic popluation, it's helped Jenny and me appreciate both sides of the argument in ways we probably wouldn't have otherwise. To us, it's not an "us and them" thing; the plight of those seeking a better life has names and faces. We've enjoyed getting to know more about other cultures as have our children.

Today, our bishop read a letter he wrote in response to recent inquiries about his and the church's stance on the issue. It was very well written and I'm glad he chose to read it in sacrament meeting. He made it clear that the Church wishes for members to stay in their own countries and build up the Church there as well as the article of faith that commands us to obey the laws of the land. Additionally, he reminded the hispanic brothers and sisters that they must make a whole-hearted effort to assimilate. He based his comments entirely on the scriptures and words of the prophets, especially President Hinkley's statements in April's conference regarding prejudice. However, the bishop reminded us that ours is a promised land and that the Lord wishes his children to have the best lives they can. One of the interesting things he mentioned was in 2 Nephi 10:18-19 where the Lord, speaking to the Lamanites, said that this is a choice land and that he "will consecrate this land unto thy seed...[and it is the] land of their inheritance."

I definately feel that some form of legislation is needed, although in reality the law is already very clear...the US welcomes immigrants, just after they've gone through the proper channels and steps to enter. It think, though, that the current circumstances require something specific to deal with it. It's just not logical or fesible to "round everyone up" and send millions of people back. Hopefully Congress will do the right thing and come up with solutions that make sense. I don't know exactly what that is, but that's why I've decided not to run for office (sorry to disappoint, but I'm better with PowerPoint and Excel than I am with politics and policy...which explains the D I got in Political Science in college).

Dwight, back by popular demand

For those of you who have been fans of Home on the Range since the beginning (going on 72 hours now), you may remember when my profile included a picture of Dwight K. Schrute, Assistant (to the) Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin, Inc. I took the picture down, fearing those who knew me back when I had similar hair and doofus glasses may think it was really me. However, demand for the return of Dwight has been overwhelming (thanks, Susie, for your comment). So, he's back. Oh, just remember that his middle name is KURT, not FART, as his security badge indicates.

PS - I'm curious to hear what everyone thinks will happen between Jim and Pam next season.

That is all.

Me, a runner?

Ever since the fifth grade, I've hated running. I had one of those PE teachers (you know, the single female drill sergeant type) that had something against "husky" boys who couldn't run, do sit ups or that stupid climb-the-rope-to-the-roof fitness test. One of the tests we had to do was run a mile. The first time we had to do it, I mustered enough gumption to make it one lap around the trap before begging for a reprieve. Needless to say, she "encouraged" me to finish the remaining three laps, "or else." Aargh, why couldn't she just say, "ok, chubby, just sit here and watch"?

Now that we've been walking for four or five months as part of our fitness plan, and I'm officially out of the "husky" category, I started jogging and am gradually increasing speed and distance. I'm up to running two miles without stopping, and doing it in about 20 minutes. That's nearly 30 minutes shorter than my fifth grade time!

I'm going to run my first race (albeit only a two-miler) on Fourth of July in Montana, the annual Chief Joseph Run in Laurel. Fitting that it's on the 4th, sort of an "independence from lethargy" day. Jenny's going to run, too, as well as maybe some of her siblings.

The Mormon Trail Workout Plan

For those of you who check Jenny's blog (http://accountingformylife.blogspot.com), you'll know that around Christmas time last year we bought a treadmill. The last thing we wanted to do is pay a bunch of money for a "catch-all" so we sat down and came up with a workout plan. I was adamant about coming up with something interesting since I knew I wouldn't stick with a "well, let's just walk X miles a day to infinity" plan. We devised what we call The Mormon Trail Workout Plan, and it's working great!

Here's the premise: the Mormon pioneers (I stress Mormon because as you may know, it bugs the heck out of me when members of the church just refer to "the pioneers." My ancestors were not members of the church, but they were pioneers - in fact, my mom's ancestors came to the colonies during the Mayflower days, but I digress. Be sure to check out my July 24th post in a few months...I'm sure I'll have a few things to say) walked over 1,350 miles from Nauvoo, IL, to Salt Lake City, UT. We thought it would be fun, and motivational, to "walk" from Nauvoo to Salt Lake City, on a treadmill, with color TV, water bottles, and a fan. So, this year, our goal is to walk the distance together. We opted for the "handcart" option, meaning we'll combine our miles to total the distance (are you kidding? I was tired of being flabby, but I ain't walkin' that far in a year by myself).

Guess what...it works! As of today (550 miles into the trek), Jenny's lost 47 lbs and I've lost 33 lbs. That's 80 lbs! We feel great, and Jenny looks hot! I'd like to lose another five to 10 lbs. We started walking with the reward being getting our teeth whitened when we reached our weight loss goals. However, we didn't think about how none of our clothes would fit, so now we're having to save up to buy new wardrobes. Not a bad reward, but definately more of an expense than teeth whitening would have been.

Fans can be so demanding

Although the number of comments I've received so far don't show it, apparently Home on the Range is a smashing success. I've gotten emails from fans requesting more lame posts - I guess they can't get enough, or they can't find anything better to read. As much as I love my fans, they have to keep in mind that this isn't my full-time job. I know, I know, "How could it NOT be? You're so good at it," you're probably asking yourself. Well, until the fans start subsidizing the lamest blogger on the web, they'll just have to be thankful for the posts I DO have time for.

Keep checking back, though, as I aim to please.

Name that tour bus

One thing that drives me nuts is seeing a totally tripped-out bus on the highway and knowing that it's most likely someone famous but I'll never know who's bus it is. I'm always telling Jenny that they should be required to post the name of the band on the side of the bus so other drivers can brag and say "I ran into so-and-so on the interstate the other day." Well, my dream became reality last week.

I was driving from Kansas City to Des Moines, Iowa (whoopie) for work. I happened to look over to the other lane of traffic traveling toward KC when I saw a tour bus. Looking closer as it passed, I saw the words "The Black Eyed Peas" on the side! Could it be? I checked the internet and found that they had indeed been scheduled to perform in Minneapolis the night before, so it was them. If I never see another like it, at least now I know that there are bands with egos big enough to inspire them to plaster their name on their bus. Thanks, weird guys. You were the highlight of my trip.

Family Picture

We finally got a decent family snapshot taken last weekend. We were in Denver for my mom's wedding and college graduation (at 52, that's quite an accomplishment). If you hold your finger up to the top of my head, you can see what I'd look like bald. Or, you can just wait another year or two and see an updated family picture. Oh, yea, it was striped shirt day for the boys, apparently.

Lame post #1

I actually published my blog last year, but only made one post saying simply "I created this blog just to say I had one. Hope you enjoy it." Now that my wife, Jenny, is actively blogging, I guess I'll make a serious attempt to keep up. I'm excited for you to experience what is sure to be the lamest blog on the web. Enjoy, and tell your friends!