Dear Easter Bunny,
It's Topher. You may remember me from when I was a kid. I'm the one who filled the tailpipe of my dad's new motorcycle with rocks when I was three. Yea, that's me. Anyway, um, as you know, now I'm the dad of three boys. Said boys were brushing up on their egg-hunting skills today in the back yard, practicing with those plastic eggs, you know? Well, Eli, the oldest, came in the house and asked if I could help him because one of the eggs was in a place he couldn't reach.

Come to find out, he'd hid an egg in a PVC pipe that comes out of the side of the house. I'm not exactly sure what the pipe is for, I only know that it leads through the garage and then into the back of the furnace/AC thing. The pipe has two elbows on it kinda like a periscope, so I couldn't see the egg through the first one, so after trying unsuccessfully to twist it off, I resorted to sawing the first elbow off with a saw. I could then see the egg at the bottom of the pipe, stuck in the second elbow that then leads to the length of pipe that goes into the furnace. These are the things I tried to get it out so it didn't go farther in:
1. used chopsticks to try to grab it. the egg was too slick
2. tried sucking it out with the vacuum. not enough suction
3. applying caulk to the end of a dowel rod in the hopes that the egg would stick. wet caulk doesn't have much sticking value
4. floral wire to fish it out. um, guess it's meant for other things and not this
5. sawed off the second elbow. out popped the egg. just hope now there's enough of the pipe sticking out from the house to re-attach new elbows and pipe.

Anyway, thought since you're in the business I'd let you know what worked and what didn't. I wouldn't be surprised if there are other dads out there who may have to get eggs out of places they shouldn't be in the upcoming week or so. Oh, and if you don't mind, please just leave the eggs in the grass from now on. No it's not as fun for the kids to find, but it'll sure save me a lot of hastle.
Thank you Easter Bunny.
Topher

Save the Family

The family is under attack in today's society from things like greed, selfishness and glitter. Yea, you heard me.. glitter. We have three rules in our home.

1. Love One Another
2. No glitter
3. NO GLITTER

We have found that the spirit in our home changes when anyone in the family breaks one of these three rules. Rule #1 is based on the scriptures and the Golden Rule. Rule #2 came into being a few days after we were married. Jenny and her friend were crafting in our apartment...with glitter. After being told by several people for days following that "dude, you've got glitter or something on your cheek," I instituted a no-glitter policy for the duration of our earthly life together. Rule #3 came into effect after the aforementioned "friend" heard about how her craft project had caused Rule #2 to come into place, and thought it would be funny to send me a birthday card filled with ... glitter. Being excited that I'd gotten a birthday card in the mail, and hoping it contained cash, I hurriedly opened the envelope and whipped the card out, causing millions of glitter particles to sprinkle their evil influence once again around our apartment. I know what you're thinking...what's the difference in Rule #2 and Rule #3? Rule #3 is in ALL CAPS to serve as a bold reminder for all who may not grasp the seriousness of Rule #2.

That brings me to today. I awoke to Eli proclaiming to Jenny and I who were still asleep on this beautiful Sunday morning that Liam had just spilled the glitter in the hall. WHAT? Don't lie, Eli. We don't have glitter in our house. "Someone" smuggled some glitter in the house yesterday to make an Easter craft. I remained calm, but was appalled to find glitter sprinkled down the hall, on the kitchen linoleum, and on ... my face. AARGH.

So, I've decided to start a petition to ban glitter in America's homes. So won't you join me in this effort to protect and preserve the harmony of the family?

1. Topher "Sparkles" Staggs
2. [your name here]

We all have excuses for not blogging sometimes, but it's usually just fluff. Not me. I've been pretty busy the past couple of weeks. Why? Well, not to brag, but Donald (Trump) invited me to a function coming up in April, and I've been swamped getting ready for it. Yeah, that's right. If you don't believe me, here's the envelope complete with gold foil [I'm sure it's 24K]. And no, the invite doesn't say "You're Invited" like a play on "You're Fired". Wait a minute, I just checked the invite again (just to make sure it doesn't stipulate pink tie or a certain hair style). It says that Donny won't be there, but his son Donald Jr. will be. We'll, that's ok. It's closer to The Don than you've been invited to. I also notice now that the postmark is from Naperville, IL 60563. Hmm, he must have been on a business trip and forgot to give it to his doorman before he left NYC and had to find a mailbox while he was in Naperville.

Anyway, sorry if you've missed me, but now that you know that SOME of us have good reason for not blogging, I'm sure you'll understand.

Japanese Workout Video

Things like this remind me why the Japanese make me laugh, in a good way, of course.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrjcMJdEZIQ

There were seven brides for seven brothers, so why not 13 miles for 13 pounds? I would have thought after losing 37 pounds last year that gaining back 13 wouldn't feel like any big deal. But, suprisingly, I feel like I've put every stinking pound back on. We finished our Nauvoo to Salt Lake walk last month, a workout goal that worked really well in terms of long-term motivation. Since we finished, though, we've slacked off mostly because we don't have a goal to work toward now. Hence the 13 pounds that are making my new suits feel a size too small and my face like a marshmallow.

So, I've decided to work toward finishing the Kansas City Half Marathon on October 20 [notice I said finish, not run the entire thing]. I figure it's far enough out that it gives me something long-term to work toward and that will be challenging enough that it will take me about that long to get ready for it. Plus, in the meantime I'm going to do at least two 5k's. There's one on Memorial Day that also has a kids fun run after the 5k, so Eli and Nathan have already said they want to "train" for it. Then I'll see if I can find one around Labor Day/my birthday so I can get another race in before the big one.

So there it is - that's my goal for this year. Jenny said she may even do it too.