The fabulification of Topher

Big news on the Range. I'm going to Vegas, baby. There's so much to do, and only 13 weeks to do it all. I'm working on a customer appreciation event for work, so I'll have to be there for five days. The sign says welcome to "Fabulous" Las Vegas, so I've got to start working on my fabulousness.

I've only been to Vegas once, and that was just a quick overnight stay. All I really remember was the buffet (mmmmmm good), Emily (who was like 10, or maybe in high school) asking the lead for his autograph after seeing a show at the MGM Grand, me and my pregnant wife walking down the strip so I could say I took her to Paris, and going into a grocery store the next morning for some Pop Tarts and being amazed at all the people sitting at the slot machines near the check-out at 7 am.

First item: cultural anthropology study. In order to better understand my new home (this is a five-day trip, after all), I'll need to learn more about the people and their curious customs. I plan to do this by watching every movie made about or in Las Vegas. I'll start with Honeymoon in Vegas, move on to Sister Act, followed by Oceans Eleven (did I miss the first 10?), and finish off with Vegas Vacation, because nothing says true-to-life than a Chevy Chase movie.

Second: wardrobe. The picture says it all. Except for what it doesn't say. I'm wondering if the hat is too much. Maybe I could grow a wicked mullet between then and now (considering it's a NASCAR event I'm planning...did you read about my last NASCAR event?). But then again, I only have 13 weeks.

Third: vocabulary. There are so many words to master and incorporate into my lexicon. "Luck", "Hold", "Crimp", etc. No, Mama K, I won't be gambling, but I've got to know what people are talking about.

Fourth: travel. It's been two years since I've been on a plane. Last time I flew, I was selected along with an 74-year old Mennonite grandmother as the security threats on our flight. Jenny and the three boys had gone through security ahead of me, leaving me with the camera bag, a suitcase and two car seats. After having various regions of my person searched and wanded (and the guy didn't even buy me dinner), my bags were emptied and then told I needed to hurry and re-pack them...the plane was leaving. I need to read up on the new regulations as I'm sure I'll get singled out again, and I want to be ready. There are only 13 weeks left, so I need to get crackin'.

So, if I've missed anything, please hurry and tell me.