How women's deoderant is ruining my life
That's right. Women's need for their own kind of deoderant is ruining - my - life.
The Story: I've used Shower Clean Degree Deodorant for as long as I can remember. I like it because it doesn't smell like the typical aftershave-scented men's deodorants on the market. Plus, it's cool because as your body heat rises, it's odor-fighting protection goes to work - kind of like a super power, and what guy wouldn't like to have a super power? I use the Shower Clean scent because it has always worked hard to keep me smelling that way. A while back we bought a supply at Sam's Club and noticed the bottle color was different - instead of the deep turquoise color I was used to, it was now a light shade of periwinkle (refer to a 48-pack of Crayolas). It wasn't until I pulled one out to use a few weeks later that I noticed the big change. Some female deoderant marketer somewhere (here after referred to as 'She') felt compelled to put the word "WOMEN" right there on the front above the name Degree. By adding these five letters, 'She' changed a gender-neutral product and totally ruined my life.
The Problem: As if I even have to spell it out. 'She' has totally emasculated my deodorant! I've heard of men who use Secret (don't worry, I won't out you and your little Secret here publically) and always thought that was humorous, but weren't they choosing from the beginning to use a women's product? Degree even has segregated their website. My deodorant has been placed on the women's site, of course, right along with Light Breeze (I'll resist the temptation to make a 'break wind' joke) and Fresh Oxygen (ooh, doesn't that sound nice?). What scents are now approved for my public use? Intense Sport (fine, if they consider Treadmilling an intense sport), Ocean Blast (uh, have you smelled ocean water lately? not good.), and Clean Slate (tag line - Dude, did you screw up again? Don't worry, start 'fresh' with Clean Slate). So I now use a women's deodorant, what's the big deal? Think about this...what am I supposed to do next time I have shower in a locker room? What humiliation awaits me there when other men see my pretty bottle of womanly odor protection sitting on the counter next to my razor? Oh yea, did I mention my deodorant is now "Little black dress approved"?
So lady, I hope you're happy. You've ruined my life.
7 Comments:
OK, so I'm the one that uses Secret. They may advertise it as being "strong enough for a woman," but at least it doesn't say "women" right on the product. I did follow your cue and go to their website. Well, that was a mistake because the website is TOTALLY aimed at women. Even women race car drivers, by the way. But in the process I found out that Secret has new product names called "Ambition" and "Optimism." That's where I've gone wrong; not using Ambition and Optimism. mistake
I was looking at my deodorant today and thought it could work for males and females. It's unscented and the container has gender neutral colors. Only one problem: the name... DOVE. I can't see a guy putting on a deadorant called Dove.
you aren't alone. aaron will wear whatever I buy him as long as it isn't gel. I buy whatever is on sale and it is usally women's deodrants like Sauve or Secret. If I know it is for Aaron I try to buy the unscented or the least feminine sounding one.
Stand strong with the brothers! You all smell great and no one else will know!
topher,
For your locker room or public applications I was thinking maybe you could make a slip cover type thing (you know like the book covers that you had to make in middle school and high school out of paper bags?) I'd make a generic white cover w/ "DEODORANT" in black writing, or you could make it real manly and cover it in black w/ something like "Macho Musk-the pit stick of Real Men!" written on it in gold or something...of course this is coming from someone who hunts in his socks and uses the words magically delicious so make your own judgements on how good a suggestion it is.
This post needs to be in a magazine somewhere! Or have you considered late night tv? You have Mr. Man and I rolling on the floor laughing and sweating so much we need to borrow your stick!
...and you bought a case of it, too. If you still have it 2 years later, you can mail it to me.
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